AS I LAY,...

I wanted to write. Needed to write. Maybe it's partly because, I feel like i present my words in a clearer way. In a maybe captivating way. Because when i'm not being insecure, I'm prolly having the time of my life. Believing in myself. But I do believe that at times, you need to give it a break. And it's a well deserved one. For once, I want to stop thinking and just do.  And that means making the decisions I was once afraid to make. Not afraid of the consequences. Because sometimes, these same consequences make me into who I am.

So, to the few fans I garnered during my writing period. Need I say, my first writing period? Well I guess you don't have to worry. I'm just taking a very much needed hiatus. In my life, I've realized that the best decisions I made, happen when I'm away from everyone else. In my own world. And everything comes in phases, might be presumptuous to say that you are all aware of this. But, I am learning to make my world work in this world and my oh my I'm excited for what's in my future.

They say even the greatest know when they need to give it a rest, or they need to hold the strangely strong bull by it's horns and take initiative. Make it your slave. Be it's master. Be the director of your own life. With God of course, otherwise it's all merely worthless. But side note to the non-believers, yes it can happen to you too. I mean in the end we are all human. And if someone once achieved it we all damn can.

Who knows, maybe my next blog, will be about someone writing about me. Who knows, maybe the next time, I'll try to improve the reading culture. Maybe making a publishing company , who knows?  Success isn't limited. One thing I know for sure, again even though it's overrated, friendships are important. If you have one worth holding on to, don't fuck it up son. Sis take control of the situation and embrace loyalty.

True happiness, as I believe, is when you are generous with your smiles. Kind words. Tiny actions. Just be there for people, and the feeling of joy will overwhelm you. Well again, it's always a personal choice. But if you ever want to, get the temptation to, feel the urge to try, living like that... give it a try. Besides, it really is not life threatening.

Pain always seems bad, but not always. Pain heals too. Because then if you get unlucky once again to face it, it doesn't hurt as much as before. And this means, you don't and won't think about giving up. Besides once you climb that ladder, there's only one way up. And since you've seen the bottom, you climb clearly steered careful not to go back to that horrific place.

Otherwise, my dear readers, please take a moment and smile. Don't go ignoring me now, are you smiling? You sure? Najua one of you is prolly still thinking this is really stupid. But it isn't. You are smiling right now, right? Now was that so hard? I know you can't be lying to me...Umesmile?

I know...it felt good. And if you were happy even before choosing to read this paragraph, i'm sure it kinda felt refreshing. Yes, this is me sharing my smile with you. Because, I am so grateful for you. If it wasn't for you then my blog would've been useless.

Well again, this is not goodbye. This is me going to the abyss to overthrow it and create a way out. Because if lil miss Blvck can stop feeling like a worthless person, then you can also step out of depression. And i am going to be there walking with you. And let's make our lives into movies. I know I'm ready for the final stage to heading into my happy ending.

Confused...of course I can write positive. Besides it's not always raining, rainbows are pretty too. And they come between the sun and the rain. That feeling of assurance. You have it all under control. All you can do for me now, is spend the rest of your day happy. Be happy...