DEATH

 

 

I believe this is where you can say, I had you in the first half, ngl. Because well you'll see. I remember going on a hiatus a couple months ago. Came back, wrote a piece on what makes people tick. Didn't get that much viewership but I'm still grateful for the eyes that skimmed through my work. And now here I am, presenting you a topic that most prefer to avoid.

Have you ever thought about death? If so, do tell🤭. You know where to find me. I know when I used to carry depression on my back daily, it was always there staring at me. You know, I had the guts and the reason. I would've gone for it. Only hitch is that I'm not gonna let the people who I love and clearly love me back suffer because I couldn't handle my own pain. And funny because I came across requited love just recently. And I'm not talking the romantic type, no. I went and got myself a whole family. Yeah yeah I'll never get tired of talking about it.

So you might be wondering, what exactly is it that I mean when I name this piece death. What comes with death? Are you thinking? Probably not cause I'm supposed to be coming up with the answers for you. Otherwise why the hell would you be reading this? With death, comes new life. Yes. New life stems from death.

Not a new baby. No. I mean your life is going to change when  someone close to you dies. Why? Because that part of your life just got curved out. Let's get closer, shall we? 

Imagine losing your own child. Tragic. Because the one that was once part of you, literally came from you is gone. And now, you are presented with the task of living different. Because your usual routine that involved your dear one, can't exist anymore. 

I chose death. I chose to kill off everything that was weighing me down and I buried it deep inside the earth. What exactly is it that I killed? I killed worry. I killed depression. I killed suicidal thoughts. I killed care for that which does not deserve my care. I killed it all. And for the first time in my life, I chose to live.

I saw myself in the eyes of many. The eyes of the critics because everything that can talk, can criticize. They say all the ugly things and that's exactly how i lived. Say person A called me weak, I'd assume the form and grow weak. Say person B called me fat, I'd feed on all that was wrong and satisfy the appeal of my mind that said, that's who I am. Say person C called me ugly, I'd always sweat up when a sexy stranger walked by in case they spat on my face. Annoying right? I mean, nilikuwa ninaSTRUGGLE!

But then, I took a break from reality. Yes, after coming back from dissociation I was still a lil bit sad. But it's all gone now. Because now, I simply ask myself, why not? I mean. If some mean asshole comes up to my face and is displeased with what I wear or how I talk, why should I be mad? Why not be happy? Their loss. They could close their eyes if their field of view is getting distorted because of your presence. 

I asked myself, all those tears I cried, aren't they enough? I told myself that I've cried all the tears for my future and so I should make sure I shed my tears only at the loss of life, see I chose death. I did. Because, why should someone, who's already forgotten all the insults they hurled at your face the minute you're gone, be tormenting you? Why? They don't matter. You don't share a bed or a life or a mind sis. I mean son. Why? 

I have wasted so many opportunities to grow and be filthy rich at the moment. Why? Because of my mind. Because I let all those insults pile and pile when I could be using my picture perfect memory to remember all the times I was happy. 

Right now, we trampling on these bitches. We doing this. We trampling on niggz that think their stupidity is going to weigh you down. We trampling on bitches who only run their mouth and have only good bodies to offer. We trampling on rude men, mean ladies, entitled asses, and useless tramps who only find joy in other people's demise. Because without the power to make you feel bad, they are just noisy empty trash cans that need to be thrown out. You dig?

If you live right, in your own eyes. If your soul is satisfied. If you have just one, you don't even need that many. Just one person, who appreciates you for who you are, then you are enough. You rock! You rule! You are the epitome of happiness because you deserve it. You live right. And you also deserve love. 

Don't you think?😊💜❤