LOADS TO SAY...

 Well. I was busy minding my bizz. Playing my favourite pastime Eurotruck. Damn that game is everything. From hard, to demanding, to stressful, to fulfilling and... well I have no particular word for it. Then I was just wondering, should I just write? Cause somehow it calms me down. I'm not mad or anything. I'm not even sad or happy I'm just in the inbetween. I don't really have anyone I wanna talk to at the moment so I'll talk to the eyes that have been with me since I started writing.

I was playing, listening to the good tunes and this random thought just came to me. Actually so many random thoughts came to me. Because my mind is a textbook of thoughts. I was wondering, why I like the boys I'm attracted to, what caused it? I was also wondering what events led to my thought process ending up the way it is. Because my mind is a movie. I've acted so many things in my head and I've succeeded in some but failed in others. I've even played out a couple of death scenes in my head, my own death. Don't let that terrify you, the thought just really really gets me going. 

Just the other day, I came off my comfort zone. Literally. Damn. I was so comfortable doing the wrong things. All the wrong things. Things that I was sure either irritated me or made me mad or things that just made me sorry for my existence. But like I said before, I'm done with that negative ish. Tihihi, I don't normally say ish I just think it's interesting. TMI? Hell nah. Haha this is my blog so go with it😏.

But then one thought that's lingered for days, is why do we behave the way we behave? I mean. We  clearly know talking shit about someone we dislike is wrong but we still do it. I came off my comfort zone so smoothly I'm wondering why I never did it earlier on. Maybe I wasn't ready for the change. Maybe I convinced myself that staying the way I was I'd maybe find happiness in the exact same way. INSANITY. LITERALLY. So why do we do it?

Let's use the foul word fat. Say I am fat. Now, I have had friends who'd console me about the same. Still do. Telling me so loudly so passionately, 

'Be comfortable in your own skin. Love yourself. You are beautiful. What they say doesn't matter.' 

Wanna know the mediocre part of it all. In the evening when I go through their statuses, I randomly come across memes that make fun of fat people. Or memes that belittle fat people. And a couple of laughing emojis. Kwanza zile zenye ziuanguka kwa floor juu ya vile meme ni funny yaani. Wah! Ogopa! 

Why did they do it? I ask myself. Why are you telling me that which you don't believe yourself. Why do we do it? Why do we manipulate yet when we are manipulated we are totally and utterly defensive. We say out loud, aki sijafanyiwa poa. Yet, yet, you just did that to someone else. 

Kwanza this one makes me laugh so hard. When a guy comes and tells me how he hates girls who cheat. Damn. Ata karibu ararue mtoto wa wenyewe ngozi juu ya vile "Nairobi" girls are super reckless. Fucking every Tom, Dick and Harry. But then, the same same nigg, gets into a relationship and is hitting on you so vigorously unaeza dhani anataka kukuoa. Why??????

We preach so so much water but we are still the same ones drinking bitter choking whiskey. Why?Another thing. Girls. We see all the warning signs, yaani in bold. This guy totally doesn't like you. Doesn't respect you. But we still there creeping telling ourselves some foul lies of how they are still adjusting to the relationship, when the only thing adjusting is the direction their dicks erect. I mean why?

Hypocrites is what we are. It's a general word and so many of us need to stop being hypocritical. Fr fr. Don't feign loyalty when immediately a problem arises, you don't bother to find out both sides of the story. Or quick to post the rumors you just figured out on your story without finding out the truth. Apo saa izo umeexclude mtu unasengenya kuona. If you're so confident about your crap, why are you hiding?

Shall we all step out of our comfort zones? Shall we? Can we stop creating casualties and acting like helpless victims when we go through the same? Can we just make it peaceful for everyone? Can we please just mind our own business if it does not involve us in any way? 

I understand 'udaku' is sweet. But if you love it so much, why not learn to hold hurtful information. Not unless it's information that will build your fellow friend. Or foe. 

Well, I know this particular piece didn't have a particular direction and I know, words really do fall on deaf ears. Eyes, in this particular case. But I was just wondering really. Why do we do it? 

Can people really change? 

I don't know. And I never will. But it was interesting writing this down. 

All in all, let's be good peeps. It costs nothing guys, really. Free for all. No one's angry and everyone ends up happy.🤭